


a matter of trust and faith

by EnigmaticSplendor



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotional Vulnerability, Healthy Communication, Healthy Relationships, Kink Exploration, Kink Negotiation, M/M, emotional honesty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 16:21:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13298634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnigmaticSplendor/pseuds/EnigmaticSplendor
Summary: Finn has taken orders his whole life so sometimes it’s only natural to obey and defer for him, much as he hates to admit it. He’s been conditioned to be this way for so long. He has to remind himself that it’s not his fault. That there’s nothing wrong with him when the shame starts to set in. He doesn’t have to be that person anymore. He’s not that person anymore. He’s Finn now.He’s Finn now.





	a matter of trust and faith

**Author's Note:**

> This story is really all about showing that Finn and Poe have a positive trust-based relationship. There are some issues that pop up but I feel that within the relationship they're treated with respect and care. Please check the end notes for more details. 
> 
> Special thanks to Kori and Steen for being some of my most helpful eyes on this one~

Finn has taken orders his whole life so sometimes it’s only natural to obey and defer for him, much as he hates to admit it. He’s been conditioned to be this way for so long. He has to remind himself that it’s not his fault. That there’s nothing wrong with him when the shame starts to set in. He doesn’t have to be that person anymore. He’s not that person anymore. He’s Finn now.

 

He’s Finn now.

 

But sometimes when he gets too into things it just slips out, he can’t help it. When Poe kisses him, holds his wrists above his head and just  _kisses_  him, things get a little fuzzy. He can’t focus as well with those lips on him.

 

With those hands on him.

 

“You like that, Finn? You like it when I touch you there?” Poe will ask, playful and sexy, curly hair tousled and hands  _e v e r y w h e r e_. He’ll look him right in the eye when he says it, look at him.

 

Sees who he really is.

 

The words tumble out of him before he can think to stop them, “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” And the embarrassment wraps around Finn like the dark night sky. He opens his mouth to apologize. To fix this awful, awful mistake before it gets any worse but Poe just looks at him for a moment and he shuts his mouth, scared of what may come.

 

“It’s okay,” He says,“I can work with that.”

Relief washes over him and he relaxes into the sheets again. Closing his eyes, he wills the heat away from his cheeks. He doesn’t see the look that crosses Poe’s face. Doesn’t know what it does to him.

But he can feel his hot breath against his neck. Feel Poe’s hands pressing his wrists into the bed. His heart stutters in his chest and he is terrified of what he must look like. Of what Poe must see. He doesn’t see the way Poe takes him in, letting his eyes rake down every inch of skin before he makes his move. He doesn't realize how impossibly turned on the admission makes Poe.

 

The pilot never expected the surge of heat and want the passed through him, buzzing under his skin. He leans down, letting his lips barely brush the shell of his ear.

 

“Is that what you want, Finn? Do you want to be good for me?” The breath catches in Finn’s throat and Poe knows his answer before he speaks. But he still wants to hear it, still wants him to say-

 

“Yes, sir. Please, sir...” He can’t help but kiss him, how could he ever deny Finn anything when he looked at him like that? Like he was  _everything_. It doesn’t take much for things to go on from there. They’d always had a hard time keeping their hands off of each other but this… this changed things.

 

“Tell me you’ll be my good boy.” He’s testing the waters now, easing into him with slick, smooth strokes. He lets himself get a little greedy, catching the lobe of his ear between his teeth.

 

Something in Finn short’s out and he can’t even think he’s so into it. There are too many things happening in his head right now, there’s no way he can keep up with his own thoughts, not when everything is racing a mile a minute and Poe’s pushing all of his buttons at once.

 

“Come on babe,” He breathes out, trailing lazy kisses back to his parted lips, letting it get wet and sloppy between them.

 

Finn falls out of himself and back in again. He can't focus like this. Can't think. But Poe told him what to do, gave him direction and it helps, really it does, but he's so keyed up the words won't come. Not how they're supposed to.

 

“Please, please… I-” He just begs, every breath pushing out a new plea. Every time he starts to think of something to say the words scramble somewhere between his brain and his mouth. It's taking everything for him to make any words at all, let alone what Poe has asked of him.

"It's okay baby. I know you can do it, I've got you,"He assures, keeping his pace steady, just slow enough to make Finn's eyes water. They've been at this long enough that he knows exactly how much Finn can take and for how long. If he keeps up like this it won't be long before-

 

"Poe!" Finn gasps out, hips pressing up, trying to get more, deeper, anything," Poe, sir, please, I can't-" his voice comes out in sharp, puffs, head thrown back into the pillows. Poe can't help himself, he takes advantage of the slight shift in position, mouth pressed against Finn's neck with worshipful attention.

 

"I thought you liked it like this, baby..." He murmurs, focused on the taste of his skin, the sound of his voice. Poe's always been a tease but this is still new territory for him, he wants to take it easy. Wants it to be good for Finn.

 

"I don't mind doing this all night," He whispers, kissing his way up to Finn's ear,"Would you like that?" Finn lets out a sound somewhere between a whine and a moan, sounding more desperate than Poe's ever heard him. He let's go of his wrists, leaving them pressed against the mattress.

 

"Keep your hands where they are, okay?" Finn nods quickly, shuddering a bit.

 

"You can't talk much like this can you?" Poe doesn't need to see him shake his head to know the answer to his question. He pulls Finn's thighs up till their flush against his hips, hands holding him, tight and strong," That's okay, we can still have fun."

 

_I'll still take care of you._

  


Finn closes his eyes, losing himself in the feeling of it all. Poe presses in slow and hard, pushing him up the mattress with each thrust. All the air rushes right out of him each time, a feeling like electricity surging up his spine. This is different. Poe is different, more attentive and focused, he can feel his eyes trained on him, watching him for every arch and twitch.

 

It's overwhelming.

  


"Sir, please, it's-" He still wants more, wants to feel more, be touched more, has  _more_. And Poe... Poe seems to just know exactly what he needs. He puts Finn's legs up on his shoulders, leaning back down over him with this mischievous glint in his eyes.

 

"I've got you," He promises, "I've got you." Their eyes meet like that, Finn, trembling more than he ever has and Poe surer than he's ever seen him and Finn...

 

Finn is consumed.

* * *

 

It’s ridiculous, Finn will think later. Completely ridiculous. Why would he go through all the trouble of escaping The Order and their commands just to crave direction? Shouldn’t he want freedom? Shouldn’t he be happy with the chance to be his own man, to have his own name…

 

To be a person?

 

He finally has the chance to be a real human being, not just a Stormtrooper, or cannon fodder for the order. But a real person that real people care about and want to be around. Why was he ruining it?

 

Why was he always messing things up for himself, putting himself on the margins? He was an odd man out in The Order too, it was like his squad could sense the traitor in him and had the good sense to stay away from him. He couldn’t take having it happen here too, not after everything he’s been through, not after how hard he fought against everything he ever was.

 

Finn has to fight this too he realizes, has to push it down until it isn’t even a memory. He has to.

 

He has to.

* * *

 

Poe doesn’t push the issue, he doesn’t force it. It’s obvious how at odds Finn is with his desires so he gives him time and space and encouragement. It has to be difficult, he thinks, coming to terms with something like that. So he stays constant and is always there when Finn needs him, just like before. He doesn’t want him to feel rejected, not when he craves acceptance so badly.

 

But he can see Finn changing already, become more distant even as he reaches out for affection he closes in on himself. He tries to be quieter, tries to hide himself, his sounds, almost afraid of himself even as he pushes for more and more. Always more.

 

He wants Poe, wants the intimacy between them but there’s fear there too. He wants to let him know that he doesn’t have to be afraid of his desires. That he doesn’t have to fight himself at every turn. Poe knows he’d shut down if he tried to talk about it so he tries to let him know through touch.

Kisses his worried brow smooth with contentment, lets his arms wind around Finn, saying without words, This is your home. You can belong here. He goes quiet in his arms, biting his lip to keep himself that way, not trusting himself to not have another outburst. He holds Poe just as tightly, sealing his eyes shut and just focusing on the feeling of their bodies. They both miss the sounds, the playful banter, the teasing, but the comfort of flesh against flesh is more than enough to satisfy them for now.

 

Poe kisses him, tasting every sound that escapes on his tongue. The closeness is almost as delicious as their usual way but Poe needs more. He needs Finn to feel everything he has, to know how very wanted he is. Finn’s breath catches when Poe takes his hands and presses them into the mattress, letting his hips set an agonizing pace.

 

If Finn won’t speak then he doesn't have to. He’ll just make his body sing instead, Poe decides. It can still be good like this he thinks, they can still salvage this. He lets his hungry mouth drift down, in search of more skin to kiss, to taste and Finn can’t help himself. He babbles and groans when Poe kisses a line from his mouth to his jaw, down to his neck. Every soft little nip and bite, every calculated press of hips leaves him spinning.

 

He holds on to control as best he can but it’s hard when Poe is on him like this, hot mouth sucking marks into his neck, strong arms holding down. He wants to just let go of it all, but he reigns himself in, denies himself that pleasure, that desire to let himself go slack and give into to his own desire but he can’t enjoy being controlled.

 

He can’t.

 

“Stop…” he breathes out, almost too soft to hear. Poe freezes instantly, he looks at him, eyes filled with concern, and opens his mouth to speak but Finn’s voice comes out in a rush.

 

“I’m sorry, can we stop now?” His voice is a little weak and just a bit too tight for his comfort but Poe doesn’t hesitate to pull away, still gazing at him worriedly.

 

“Is everything okay? Did I hurt you?” Finn bites his lip again, feeling exposed and embarrassed.

 

“No, no it’s nothing.” He lies, climbing out of bed to dress hurriedly. “It’s just me, I’m being weird.” He forces a laugh and tries not to cringe at how fake it sounds. He rushes out with a quick goodbye and leaves Poe alone in bed feeling confused.

* * *

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t like it. That was the problem he realized, he liked it too much. Even from literally light years away The Order still had its claws in him, he still wanted to be commanded; something in him craved direction and longed to be obedient to someone else.

 

The thought made him sick to his stomach. There was something wrong with him, something deep inside and he tried to bring Poe into it. Poe who cared about him unconditionally, who gave him a name and saw him as a person. Poe who, maybe, loved him. It wasn’t fair.

 

It wasn’t right.

* * *

 

Poe gives him three days to sort himself out. They were both shaken by the last time they were together and he needed to collect himself and make the proper preparations for a, no doubt, deeply uncomfortable conversation that they would have to have. He didn’t want their relationship to fall apart because of any kind of miscommunication, not when they worked together so well and made each other so happy.

 

If he could fly an X-Wing into enemy territory then he could have any conversation, no matter how difficult.

* * *

 

“Finn, can we talk?” He takes his hand in the middle of the corridor and makes a point to look directly into his eyes. This was important. But maybe it’s a little too intense because he see sees other man start to panic as soon as the questions out in the air.

 

“It’s nothing bad. I just want to talk to you. I miss you.” He runs a thumb over Finn’s knuckles comfortingly and watches the tension drain out of him.

 

“Okay, I’ll meet you in your room tonight?” Poe’s face lights up with with a smile.

 

“Sounds good, I’ll see you later.” He gives him a quick peck on the lips before running off, communicator buzzing urgently.

* * *

 

Finn tries to steel himself, ready for the conversation to go terribly. For Poe to tell him he can’t stand him anymore or something equally awful. But when he reaches Poe’s room he’s all smiles and pulls him in for a hug.

 

It’s his favorite kind of embrace, the kind that lasts longer and lets him feel warm and safe in his arms.

 

“I’m so glad to see you again. I missed you these past few days.” A pang of guilt runs through him as they pull apart. He’d been avoiding him.

 

Poe leads him to the bed and sits him down, taking his hands into his own,“The other night, something happened. And I want to talk about it. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe but you have to tell me what’s going on with you.”

 

Finn’s chest tightens with a feeling he can’t describe. He worries his bottom lip, looking down at their joined hands. Where can even begin? Something that he’s equal parts ashamed of and desperate for…

 

“Do you remember, when I called you… well, you know.” He starts awkwardly, heat rising on his cheeks.

 

But Poe, patient wonderful Poe, takes it all in stride.

 

“When you called me ‘Sir’?” He remembered it well, how could he forget? Finn had been… amazing that night. He’d been so free and unselfconscious when they worked through the initial awkwardness of it. For all of his deference, he had given as good as he got. Poe still had the bruises to prove it.   

 

Finn nodded, still guarded and unsure. “I don’t— I don’t want to be that kind of person. The kind of person who likes that.” Poe gave his hands a comforting squeeze.

 

“Are you ashamed? I’d never judge you for it if that’s where this feeling is coming from.” Finn shakes his head.

 

“No, it’s not like that it’s just...” He pauses, taking a deep breath, “I was with The Order my whole life. They trained me for years and did all of this psychological conditioning to us. I was barely a person for so long and then on Jakku… I realized that I could have a choice. I don’t want to undo all of that.”  

They both sit in silence for a long while, taking it all in. Poe could understand why he’d feel that way, his whole life had been chosen for him and he’d only just begun his new life with the resistance. Between his recovery from his injuries and throwing himself into the fray of life here when had he gotten any time to sort out his own identity, let alone his sexuality?

 

“Thank you,” he says, pressing their foreheads together.

 

“For what?”

 

Poe smiles at him, running his thumbs over his knuckles. “For trusting me. I know it must have been hard for you to share. I want you to know that I think you’re already an incredible person. Who you are, right here and now? The Order can’t take responsibility for that. They didn’t make you, you made you. You chose to be who you are and nothing they’ve done can change that.”

 

Finn pulls back a bit, looking at him with an uncertain expression. “So you’re not disgusted?”

 

Poe wants to laugh but Finn needs encouragement right now, not teasing. “Of course not. When you said it I was a little shocked but I meant what I said, I can work with that. If you want to do it again I can help you but if not we can still keep doing what we were doing before.”

 

Relief washes over Finn’s face. “Yeah?”

 

Poe grins. “Yeah.”

 

Their lips meet and Finn thinks maybe it  _can_  be this simple.

Things are okay for a long while, maybe because there’s less downtime with Finn constantly working in the infirmary helping Colonia keep a handle on things and Poe going on lengthier and lengthier missions, so there’s really no time to deal with things besides leaving them right where they were. Finn is content with things this way. He'd rather ignore the elephant in the room.

 

But he can’t stop himself from thinking about. It slips into his dreams, leaving a sticky heat simmering under his skin. He won’t talk about it but it refuses to be ignored, not when he knows what Poe’s hands feel like on his body, what he could have if he’d only just ask.

 

It’d be easy to just bring it up, Poe would let him have whatever he asked for, and then he wouldn’t have to feel like a traitor to himself. He could let Poe take care of it, just enough to take the edge off and make him feel normal again.

 

But what if it’s not enough?

* * *

 

There’s a lot of time to think in space, even in hyperdrive, speeding across the cosmos, Poe still has so much time to sort out his thoughts, maybe too much time. He thinks about Finn, about the sweet way he begged that night, hands clinging desperately to his shoulders. He thinks about how much he’d like to have it happen again.

 

Maybe he shouldn’t.

 

The morality of the situation is already a bit muddled. A high-ranking resistance fighter pilot and an ex-stormtrooper, and that’s not even touching the age difference. What if it was too much to ask for, too much for either of them to manage? Just because they wanted it doesn’t mean that they should have it.

 

Logically he knows he should leave it alone, what good does it do him too long for something like that? But all he can think of is Finn’s warm brown eyes, hazy and unfocused from pleasure; how he gave him that pleasure. It wouldn’t be so bad if he just brought it up, just once. Maybe when he could look at it from a different angle Finn could see the positives of it, Poe thinks (hopes).

 

It’s enough either way.

* * *

 

“Would it be different for you if it was something I liked?” His voice is low but it almost echoes in the space between them.

 

Finn tenses, looking away. “But you're not like that, you wouldn't… you wouldn't be like them.”

 

Poe threads their fingers together. “You're right. I wouldn't.”

 

Finn’s tension doesn't melt away instantly like he was hoping it would but the worried creases on his brow smooth out a bit.

 

“But I've been thinking about it. About how you sound when you call me ‘Sir.’ It's always when I make you feel really good. But I never really thought much about how I felt about it but after being away for a while... I realized that I liked it. I liked it more than I wanted to admit.”

 

Something goes fuzzy and hot in Finn’s brain, like he's back on Jakku, tortured by thirst. “You…?”

 

Poe nods, looking him right in the eyes. “I like it a lot. I like making you feel good. I don't think anything turns me on more than seeing you enjoy yourself.”

 

Maybe it's too much for Finn to handle, he's spent so much time berating himself for his own depraved desires that he'd never even considered that Poe could want the same thing. “So… you like it too?” The thought rolls around in his mind with all the slowness of molasses.

 

“I do.”

 

Finn’s brow furrowed in confusion.

 

“We don’t have to do anything about it. Not if you don’t want to.”

 

“Can I think about it? This is kind of a lot for me.”

 

Poe kisses him on the forehead. “Of course. You can take as much time as you need.”

 

They settle into bed, snuggled together comfortably. It takes a long while for Finn to fall asleep, even with Poe holding him nice and close with his warm breath tickling his neck. His presence is a balm to his troubled mind, but not as much as he needs it to be.

 

The problem isn’t what he’d thought it was at all. He’d thought it was some First Order conditioning left behind, a lag in his autonomy that made him weak like this. But Poe wasn’t like him, he didn’t have the same upbringing or programming, he didn’t have any reason to like seeing Finn in that state.

 

But he did.

 

And if Poe liked it then maybe there were others in the galaxy that liked it, maybe even on the same base. Maybe there was nothing wrong with Finn.

 

Maybe he was normal.

* * *

 

Poe’s a strong guy, all that equipment, and training, he could hold Finn down without any problem, put him in any position that he’d like. Poe would probably tease him too, push all of his buttons just to watch him squirm. It would be easy.

Finn finds himself entertaining this train of thought a lot lately, caught between wanting to ask for it and being struck by the fact that he actually wants to ask. But Poe takes his time bringing it up, eases into their more…  _physical_  activities with a sort of playful mischief, getting off more on the build-up than the actual act. It’s not Finn’s fault if he forgets how to speak when Poe is clearly toying with him.

 

“Can I try something?” Poe words are measured, careful, punctuated by a nervous lip bite that does something delicious to Finn.

 

“Depends on what you want to try?”

 

Poe grins at him gleefully, the soft light of the room doing the angles of his face nothing but favors. “Positive reinforcement.”

 

Finn's face goes hot with excitement. “Y- Yeah?”

 

Poe leans down to kiss his neck. "Yeah..." He breathes against his skin, dropping kisses everywhere he could reach,"...you do what I say and get a little reward each time.” His hands run over  Finn’s sides, eyes playful, as he nips at the hollow of his throat.

 

“Oh…” Finn, licks his lips in anticipation, ”What do you want me to do?”

 

Poe kisses him, quick and sweet. “Just lay here…” He whispers, easing him down onto his back,“...and let me undress you.”

 

Finn shudders, suddenly hyper-aware of his entire body and all its flaws as Poe takes his sweet time stripping him down to nothing but what nature gave him. He bites the inside of his mouth nervously, breath going shallow with each touch on the newly exposed skin. It feels like it takes hours for him to get all of his clothes off, between the kisses, and touches, and his own nervousness he’s caught completely off guard when Poe just looks at him, taking in every curve and plane, every hard edge of muscle, every soft hollow, every scar, as if it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on.

 

Poe is careful, almost methodical, in his affections. He takes great pains to go slowly, distracting Finn with kisses when he senses the tension settle into him. Tugs gently at each piece of clothing before removing it, rains down kisses on the freshly exposed skin until Finn is sure he can feel the hot flush spreading across his body. Poe’s tongue drags up his torso and leaves him shuddering, mouth open to say something, anything before those warm lips wrap around his nipple and just  _sucks._ His words die before they can touch the air, instead, a shocked moan flies out in their place and Finn knows that he can’t handle a whole night of this.

 

“Poe--” He starts, unsure, body warm against his lover’s.

 

Poe pulls off, biting his lip in the way that makes Finn’s heart flutter. “Yeah, babe?”

 

He knows exactly what he’s doing, of this Finn is certain. His mouth is dry and he can’t speak, not when Poe’s warm body is on top of him, drowning out all coherent thought. “Please--” He starts again, only to be shushed gently.

 

Poe’s hand comes up to cradle his cheek, thumb running over his bottom lip. “Is it too much for you?” His eyes are tender and dark.

 

Finn goes hot under that steady gaze. He shakes his head no and urges him to continue with his eyes, not trusting his voice, his words.

 

Poe lets their mouths come together, his lips and tongue teasing quiet moans out of his barely parted lips. His free hand slips between Finn’s thighs, taking a firm hold of his thickening cock, stroking him to full hardness with practiced ease, drinking in the desperate moans that found their way out of Finn.

 

He can’t help but roll his hips up for more touch but Poe keeps a steady pace, keeps him wanting. Finn’s hands fist the sheets and he is a picture of perfection when Poe pulls back to just look at him.

“I’m going to take good care of you, do you know that?” He wants Finn to know that this is about him. Needs him to know that he  _only_ wants to take care of him.

 

But Finn doesn’t answer, not at first. His face is completely open and it undoes something in Poe’s heart.

 

He’d do anything for this man.

 

Poe doesn’t wait for an answer, not long at least; when his actions could speak far louder than his words. His lips leave a warm trail down his face to the sensitive skin of his neck, pressing long, suckling kisses where he can. Finn’s breath catches, quickens, pants right of him. Between his hand and his mouth Poe knows he could finish him off right here and now, that even so early on Finn would be absolutely gorgeous beneath him, tender and blissful.

 

But why end it so quickly when he could draw it out? Make it good for Finn.

 

“Will you let me take care of you?”

 

A strange look crosses Finn's face. He tracks the motions, attentive. Watches the way Finn's eyes close, the way he takes a deep breath to steel himself. Feels the way his body relaxes, slowly, like he has to convince himself not to be tense. His hips stutter up, quick and sharp, cock pulsing in Poe’s hand.

 

“Yes, sir.” It rushes out of him, soft and desperate but  _sure._

 

After that, it’s like everything slots into place between them, like nothing was ever wrong at all. For Poe, it’s intoxicating, the power of it all, the trust. Finn knows with all his heart that he can count on Poe to take care of him, to make this good for him. He’d love to draw this out, make him come over and over again until he knew just how wanted he was. Until every cloud of doubt and shame found itself chased away from his mind and heart.

 

For Finn, it’s as if he's becoming separate from himself. Each moment of contact is an affirmation of something he has no words to express. He doesn't have to be in control to be independent, he doesn't have to resist what he wants, not when he's safe.

 

He can let himself have this.

 

The tension flows out of him as Poe maps out his body with kisses, giving every inch of him all the tenderness and affection he can summon. It's enough to make Finn tear up. He wants more of it, wants to feel Poe everywhere he can be felt.

 

Poe keeps a steady pace, kissing down his body, between his thighs. His mouth waters at the sight of that thick, hard length. He can think of a million ways he’d love to have Finn spill down his throat. He indulges himself a bit, letting his lips and tongue work over the head, toys with the idea of taking him down to the root, hollowing out his cheeks and letting his tongue work Finn into a frenzy. He takes him in deeper, just for a moment he promises himself, just for now.

 

Under his hands, Finn’s thighs tremble and he can hear his breath quicken. Above him Finn is reeling, his entire body is alight with pleasure. Those hands on him, holding his thighs open, so strong but  _so_ gentle _._ If he was close to tears before he’s not sure how he can hold out now. He’s never been like this before, this new side of Poe is almost overwhelming, lips and tongue and throat working him closer and closer to the edge, only to pull back when he's close enough to taste it.

 

"God, Poe, please!" But he can only feel the pilot smirk, mouth still full of him. Poe doesn't seem to have any qualms about torturing him.

 

"Shhh, I've got you." He let's one of Finn's thighs free, reaching for the bottle of lube he'd planted on the foot of the bed before the night began. Poe coated his fingers in the slick with practiced ease, pressing his fingers into him slowly.

 

He could milk this all night if he wanted to, he knows that Finn won't mind it if he does. Feeling him arch and tense under him is incentive enough. But it's not about him, it's about Finn. About keeping him safe and happy and satisfied.

 

He takes Finn into his mouth like an offering, divine and precious, letting the heaviness of his cock press against his tongue, the heat of his skin excite him. His fingers slip in deeper, stretching him in time with his every suck. He could hear Finn's tortured groans above him. Poe knows him well enough by now that he expects the arched back and the sheets, clenched into fists.

 

It makes him love Finn even more, feeling  Finn’s body relaxes beneath him, letting him press another finger in with ease. He can taste the sweet saltiness of his cum dribbling into his mouth, he knows Finn won't last much more of this… Pulls off with a soft kiss, letting his tongue trace the head gently.

 

He kisses back up his body, the same way he came, taking extra care to draw out the space between each kiss, building up the anticipation till they both felt like they'd burst.

 

“Take a deep breath,” he says, softly. Finn complies immediately, almost seeming to hold the breath… “Good boy.” Poe pulls him in close, settling in between his legs,  

 

“That’s my good boy. Tell me just what you like.” He whispers into his ear, rolling his hips almost painfully slow, making Finn beg for more. He folds him over on his knees, holding his wrists carefully at the base of his spine, draping himself over him so Finn can’t get enough leverage to push for more. So he can only take what he’s given.

 

“Please, sir, more, please.” He’s getting breathless, desperate, but Poe isn’t done with him, not yet.

 

“Shh, I’ve got you.” He assures, pressing kisses into his shoulders. “You know I’ll take good care of you.”

 

A sob rushes out of Finn, he knows Poe will make good on his promise. Knows he'll give him just what he needs. Each deep slow drag of his cock against the tight, slick ring of muscle makes them both a little crazy.

 

A little too much breath with too little air. A little too much  _want_.

This can't fix it, make things perfect and at peace between them. Maybe there'll never be complete ease like there was before.

 

But when Poe rolls his hips forward slowly, just enough to build a steady rhythm right on the edge of torture, he knows that Finn will cling to him, will call out his name. Knows that in that moment, when he whispers in Finn's ear, sweet filthy nothings that make him whine in frustration, that this is a pleasure past perfection.

 

The sweet, slick motions of their bodies coming together, the deep kisses, sweet and tender, (a little dirty) are all the language they need.

 

So when Finn, gorgeous, lovely Finn, says to him, “Sir, I’m—!” Too breathless to finish the rest, Poe’s heart skips a beat. His hips stutter and his hands… his hands don't know what to touch first or to keep himself from following him over the edge.

 

He's helpless against this, against Finn, against this gorgeous feeling of satisfaction and elation.

 

His whole body tenses, mouth seeking out Finn’s, craving more of that sweet, sweet affection.

 

Soon the kiss will have to end, he realizes in between his last lazy strokes. All of this here will have to end. When the lights dim down to a bare whisper of their former brightness it will just be them. Together, alone in that tender almost darkness.

 

And he hopes, he hopes beyond hope, that when their breathing slows, and the sweat cools that they can still be okay. This is a first step to something beautiful.

 

But Finn’s sweet kisses drive the thoughts away from his mind, leaving only the two them. And it's enough.

 

It's enough.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains some kinks that come from trauma. Finn's time with The First Order must have been very traumatic and stressful to him, sometimes things you learned to live with when you were in an unhealthy place start to stick with you even when you leave. I wanted to show that, with a good partner, sometimes past pain can be worked through. I also would like to be clear that the sex didn't magically make anything better, but the openness with which they communicated is what really helped them get through things.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed.


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